Posts tagged support

Last weekend I went to a friend’s son’s first birthday party. It was all family plus us, well we are considered family. It was so good to be with them for the celebration and to see the lil moppet totting around.

My friend’s mom and I sat next to each other for dinner. As we were chatting she turns and says, “So, the last time we talked, you said you were going to start a PhD program. Have you?” I give her a quick update on things and she responds, “Good. I think of you often and was hoping that you were doing well.” When we were leaving and saying good-bye to her, she makes sure to tell me, “Now finish that PhD, ok? I’m rooting for you.”

And that has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. I’m surprised I didn’t start crying like a baby right there.

My sociology course is really tough and I think I’m doing ok. I just wish I was going better, but it is my first real sociology course, so I am missing some background. But I know it’ll turn out fine. Especially with Ma K rooting for me from Michigan.

This blog has been itching at my brain for the month that I’ve ignored it.

First of all, a huge shout out to my PhD Cheer Crew. I could not have made it through my first semester without them. Each time I felt like I had made the wrong decision or wasn’t smart enough to do the work, they would be there to remind me of a million things. There were times when I felt like I was being whiny, but hell this is hard work and if I need a hug, I’ll ask for one. The biggest mistake I made as an undergrad was acting like I had it all under control. Then the bottom fell out on me. Ain’t making that mistake again.

I ended up with an A in the class.

Through all my angst, whining and doubts, I pulled off an A.

I know, I know, I’ve heard it and seen the looks, “DUH…Of course you got an A!” But my class in the fall was so intense for me that I seriously thought of withdrawing from the course before the final. The night before I picked up my literature review and swore if it was a bad grade that I would skip the final and withdraw. Instead it was an A with a lot of constructive criticism written in the margins. My professor’s notes clearly show that it was my first attempt at a lit review at a PhD level.

With that I took my final the next day in less time than I was allotted. Mostly because I still needed to be mommy and pick up the kid. But really it was because I knew if I took that extra 2 hours, I would just stare at the screen. Blogging has really helped me speed up my writing and thinking. Now to get the academic jargon down.

As we close our 2010, I’m preparing for spring 2011 and taking two classes. Yes, two.

The academics I consulted in December all seemed to think that the course I took was just super heavy with reading. I know the two classes I’ll be taking aren’t light reading, but their themes will overlap, so I think it will help. I’ve also told the professors that if I feel like two classes is too much, that I’ll drop one. I have to keep moving forward in a positive manner. No use in getting crappy grades in two classes (which I’m sooo looking forward to) when I can get an A in one.

So there you go. A quick summary of what has happened since I last wrote.

Thanks again for following my saga.

As a student of history, I try to go through life acknowledging the fact that I stand on the shoulders of those who came before me. At the same time, I far too often fail to remember all the hands that support me right now.

I don’t believe in the myth of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If I pulled myself up from a working class upbringing to this middle class life, it is because as I pulled, many pushed. I do nothing alone and neither do you. As much as I have said and will continue to say that working towards a PhD is a lonely project, I have many people cheering me along.

Today was the Chicago Marathon and while I have never run one, I think it’s kinda the same thing. All those runners have to take each step, but I saw many on the news say that they can’t through the race without the cheers of onlookers.

I returned home from Blogalicious, a women of color blogger conference, in Miami with a new sense of determination. As I sat on a panel discussing Latinas and social media, the biggest applause I received came from when my quest for a PhD was mentioned. I had lunch with two of my biggest long-distance supporters who listened to my challenges and then told me they were proud of me.

After attending a dance party with plenty of drinks and passing out in my hotel room just past midnight, my body woke me up at 6:30 am on Saturday. Why? To attend yoga on the beach at sunrise.

I rolled out of bed, careful not to make too much noise and wake up my roomies. Brushed my teeth, pulled back my hair and put on a pair of shorts. Yup, I went to yoga in my PJs.

And it was beautiful. I kicked myself for forgetting my sunglasses and camera, but looking back, I think it was the Goddess who made me forget. The sunrise was breathtaking and any photo I would have taken wouldn’t be good enough to capture the moment. In fact, the camera would had distracted me from taking it in. My sunglasses would had blocked the true colors of the morning.

I ended up working next to another friend and supporter, who also teaches her own yoga classes. She inquired about graduate school and could tell she was sincere about wanting to hear the truth. She seems to not be the kind of person who asks, “How is it going?” just to make conversation. We did yoga side by side that morning with perhaps 20 other women.

As I stretched and breathed with purpose, I felt something. I felt connected to my body and me like I haven’t in many years. Yes, I’m gonna say it, in a way that I haven’t felt since I was pregnant. But even deeper than that. I felt the Goddess in me. Not the Veronica-goddess, but THE Goddess.

After yoga was over, my friend asked me how I felt. All I could say was, “Amazing.” I can’t recall what else I said, but she looked at me and said, “You need to keep doing this. Yoga will get you through this PhD.” And I knew she was right. The Goddess had just told me the same thing.

I am now determined to find a way to incorporate yoga into my life. I must. Yet, due to my schedule, I believe it will be at home. I doubt there’s a yoga class that ends by 6:30 am…Still trying to figure out if a 7 am end is too late to pull. But the energy I felt that morning was amazing. I need that energy every day.

It’s funny, I went to a bloggers conference and got more out of it for my PhD program.