While I know that I won’t be getting near a dissertation anytime soon, the idea of it looms over everything we do in class. Rightly so, our semester project is doing a literature review on a topic that most likely will be related to our dissertation. Honestly I haven’t touched that project in a few weeks.

But it was the super dense readings for class last week combined with my first migraine of the semester (surprised it took this long), the stress of life (I need to bring in some more funding for my office, I need to get something published for work, the kid’s homework brings me to tears, I miss reading for fun already, I miss going to bed at a more reasonable hour than 12:30 AM) and the kid snuggling up to me saying, “I wish you didn’t have to go back to school because then you could spend more time with me,” that nearly had me throw in the towel.

HEART…BREAKING…

But somewhere between class on Wednesday and through my candy corn induced haze I think my topic because less fuzzy and more crisp.

How does hierarchy manifest itself in women’s / feminist organizations? Is it addressed? Ignored? How does having a feminist mission change hierarchical mechanisms? Does it? Do staff and leadership agree?

That’s where I’m heading now anyway. It keeps popping into my head and each time I smile and get that, “Hell Yeah!” feeling inside my belly.

And I need to remind myself of the end goal or all the obstacles in my way appear far greater (not that they aren’t big!) in my rear view mirror. At least I can say that on weeknights I’m not taking time away from the kid to do my homework because almost every minute from the time we get home at 6 pm until she’s in bed at 9 pm is spent doing homework, eating or getting ready for bed. She’s tired, I’m tired and my husband is tired. Thus I keep asking myself, “Why?” And honestly some days I don’t have a good answer.