Two Bs!

The first B was a joy to have earned. The second one is ok and I can handle it. I know what I did wrong. Basically I focused so much time and energy on my HR final paper and I neglected my research design paper. The crappy part? Both papers were on the same topic! But I did have to adjust to the research design aspect and well, I guess I just fell short.

A hermana on Twitter sent me a copy of Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. I started reading it just before the fall semester and it immediately struck a chord. I was still dealing with a poor first year review, but this book coupled with a visit with a mentor who does not live in my home department helped so much.

There seems to be two opinions (at least so far) of what grades mean in a PhD program. There are those who believe it’s A or fail. Then there are those who reserve As for spectacular work and Bs are fine. We do not speak of Cs. The A people are feeding my learned sense of perfectionism. A sense that I have wrestled with for a long time and one I work hard not to feed to my own daughter.

It’s so hard to point out her errors in her graded work without sounding like I’m looking for perfection. SOOOOO HARD!

So for me, Brown’s book came at the perfect time. I earned two Bs. Not spectacular and surely will keep me from winning any fellowships I had hoped to apply for next year. But I’ll try anyway, perhaps my “moving story” of a working mother *dramatic hand to forehead* will win some over. No matter what others think (unless it’s the person in charge of kicking students out of the program!) I have to be satisfied with my performance. I know my weaknesses, mostly time and energy, but I also know that if I can push my way through this, rarely does one ask for a transcript after you get those three magic letters after one’s name.

Next up for spring 2012?

Science Policy and Research Design II. Science Policy is another reading intensive course. Off to look for cheap books now!

Thanks for all the support after the last post. Each like, comment and message sent to me is appreciated. This is a lonely road, but I know I have friends on the sidelines cheering me on.