Last month was ass kicking, but it was my ass that was kicked.

I had a big deadline for work (that I made, but not without pushing my boss to her limit) and thus homework took a back seat…again. And this is what our graduate program director and my professor were talking about. This program is too intense for it to ever take a back seat to anything. But in my life, other things do have to take priority, especially when it concerns my paycheck and my family.

September 2010 was the wrong month to start this program. WRONG.

First my daughter started second grade and with her accelerated program means third grade work. Not only an intellectual jump, but a huge jump in the work expected of them. Homework was lasting hours on top of the hour she did at afterschool. Then I knew I had two big deadlines at work, then another cropped up at the last minute. On top of all the back to school madness that happens every fall. One last conference for my leadership program (which I didn’t graduate since I skipped one evening so I could attend the 25th anniversary gala for an organization I love and volunteer for) took me out for 2 days. And then add in this PhD program. Dear goddess did I want to just throw in the towel.

And honestly this past weekend, I told my husband that. “Let’s see how this semester goes, but I don’t know if I can manage this pace.” Those close to me know that I thrive on a fast pace. So this is a big deal.

Luckily I married a great guy. He reassured me that I can do this. That we’re in a rhythm when it comes to the kid’s homework routine. And that my hell month at work is over. Although I know that February is also a hell month, so heaven help me then.

Going into this program, I was hoping to kick it up to two classes this spring or next fall. I hyperventilate even considering taking two courses! I’m in no hurry, but I would like to finish one day.

My glimmer of hope is that week six class was fun. I clearly hold a position on public administration and its purpose different than my professor and most of my class. Thus I was pushed. Sometimes I was able to defend my position, other times I got pushed over, but I took those moments as a call to learn more.

I have the hunger, the passion, but do I have the energy and time? That remains to be seen.